It's Monday and Mondays suck, so let's grind it out with Slund's A Very Slundy Christmas.
Well, it's been a few weeks, now hasn't it? There's two things life requires from me on a constant basis that I can't provide: time and an attention span. Luckily there's grindcore, which requires almost neither of either. And with Slund at the helm of todays merry little beatings, you know your ass is about to be served a blizzard of blasts.
Previous album descriptors threatened it, but in 2018 Slund actually delivered: thirteen tracks of pure holiday bliss. A Very Slundy Christmas is like a ton of chestnuts dumped into a stump grinder while you sit back by an open fire and drink hot chocolate with whipped cream. And once the title track kicks on, and reminds you that this is all about Jesus, you'll know why you're here.
Something about Christmas and grindcore go together so well. Maybe it's because they both come at you like a wrecking ball. A Very Slundy Christmas is exactly that too. Old Christmas songs and movie bits (i.e.: Silent Night, Deadly Night) are spliced between noisy, thundering grindcore jingles. It's an album with a sense of humor, hate and Christmas. So, really, it's the way almost everyone handles the holidays.
What really drives home the greatness of this record, aside from the nonstop blizzard of aforementioned blasts, is how Slund turns old holiday classics into parodies. Is it special or unique? No, bands reference material all the time and turn it on its head. But when Slund scream lines like "Last Christmas I gave you my heart / But the very next day your body rejected it" or "A horrible sight / You've gone deaf tonight / Suffer in a winter Slunderland", you can't help but laugh it up.
Look, A Very Slundy Christmas is exactly what we've been promised: a walk in a winter Slunderland. It's horrible holiday cheer from Slovenia's finest. If you're not ready to throw a carton of egg nog across the room, or crack a pine cone over your head by the time this is over, clearly there's no injecting the holiday spirit into you. But Slund is gonna try anyway. So jingle your ass over to that play button and get grinding on this Christmas' finest album.
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