Guitarist Scott Ian of both Anthrax and S.O.D. fame is now selling handwritten lyrics from either (or both) of those bands, dedicated specifically to you. According to Ian's BigCartel, he'll dedicate the lyrics to you or anyone else you'd like, package 'em up with a signed certificate of authenticity and a stage played guitar pick, and send 'em off.
Order some here for $95. Also, if anyone would like to get me a 30th birthday gift, I would 100% frame the lyrics to S.O.D.'s "Kill Yourself."