We all love Ozzy Osbourne, especially when he gives his sage advice in England's Sunday Times in his very own health column. Recently, he responded to a fan looking to sneak off to a Rub N' Tug (thanks Entourage) without his girlfriend finding out:
A hand job is a very personal thing, and after a lifetime of practice, most blokes get a pretty specific preference for the kind of technique they like. So unless you're acting as a co-pilot and barking out instructions to your dodgy masseuse every two seconds, it might end up feeling more like she's skinning a dead rabbit than driving you wild with forbidden pleasure. In fact, it sounds to me like you've already built this up in your head to the point where it's gonna be an expensive disappointment. You also ain't factored in guilt. It's all very well you telling Dr. Ozzy that 'it doesn't seem wrong' to hire an extra pair of hands to help out in the monkey-spanking department, but I'm afraid to say that if you're anything like me, your conscience won't agree.
Damn good advice… why go full service when you can do-it-yourself? The Prince of Darkness is currently working on a spin-off of the Sunday Times column called "Ask Dr. Ozzy." The book's publisher stated that the book will "tell incredible survival stories not found in his memoir, offer advice that no human should follow, and shed light on his seemingly superhuman ability to keep breathing."
The book is set to be released this October, and if it's as good as his autobiography or as funny as this latest fan response, I'm definitely going to be picking up a copy.
