That stud machine of a man is me, Greg Weeks, and I’m the bassist of the Red Chord. Want to ask me about my band, your band, or the ongoing crisis in the Middle East? Don’t hesitate to popup your mail program of choice and send me a question to [email protected] and I’ll be sure to respond with some life-changing advice.
I have an orphaned sock which I believe may be Mikes. What should I do with it? See you next time you are in El Paso.
Greg's response:
Dear God woman. Back away from the sock. That man rarely changes his socks. It could be radioactive. It probably walked out of the van and into your house all by itself. I'd incinerate it. There's nothing more deadly than a Gunface sock.
Dear Greg, Much love to you and the rest of the Red Chord, p.s
I dont know if you remember me but I was right in front of you at the cannibal corpse concert october 3rd at the 930 club. Just to let you guys know you guys fucking killed it, you guys were by far the best band there (even though I had to leave after black dahlia because I told my grandmother I was going to the mall).I almost had my head fall off rocking out to you guys so much. I had the turqoise happy birthday!!! red chord shirt and I was right infront of you. And Guy put me on the spotlight which was very cool. I'm sure you'll be interested to know I beat the shit out of that drunk heckler who thought you were the whole band and thought the rest of the band was shit. During the Black Black Dahlia set I was rocking out real hard to them and the dumbass was trying to take up my space up front. Then I was rocking out way harder than before(i n Black Dahlias set) and I guess the du mbass got jealous and grabbed my neck. Next thing the drunk bastard knows he gets his face pounded and thankfully for him a security guard came to his rescue and carried him out of the club and some fellow metalheads had to pull me away and calm me down. (And oh yea this all happened literally in front of Blach Dahlia Murder, I could see the singer and one guitar player watching it happen). Then I just went to the moshoit and whooped some ass and got ass whooping, and then had to leave after bdms set (cause it was kind of getting a little late to use that out to mall excuse). I have 3 questions for you:
1. Whats the best way for me to get to hang out backstage with you guys next time you come to DC?
2. How often do you get these hecklers on tour?
3. Do you think turqoise is my color?
Robert, silver spring,md.
be sure to tell Guy I whooped that Red Chord haters ass.
Greg's response:
This is a very long story sir. I actually liked the guy whose ass you kicked because he enjoyed me and no one else. Oh well, I guess he was a drunk idiot.
1. Have you seen backstage at the 9:30 club? I can barely "hang out" there. The best way to see us off stage is around the club or by the merch booth. We're rarely just backstage doing nothing. We're usually out and about.
2. We got heckled a lot on the Gwar tour. The best thing to do is heckler back in an intelligent way. Make the heckler look like an idiot and have everybody laugh at him and not you.
3. Yes.
By the way, I like the mall excuse.
Hi, gregg. Love, Regina. P.S.
I have a friend who I'm starting to think is in love with me. I probably should have realized it sooner but, I'm kind of oblivious when it comes to signals and whatnot.
He's super nice to me but, I don't see us as anything more than good friends.
I feel like I'm leading him on.
What should I do? How do I let him down gently?
My Grandpa is fascinated by the concept of 'ass-rashes'.
Greg's response:
Regina,
I love the avanteness of your question. It's shaped like bad poetry and I think it's great. In a lady man relationship there is usually one side that is attracted to the other side and it makes thing difficult to deal with on a friendship field. You should start talking about a dude that you're into. Throw him off the scent. He will be bummed but it's not your fault. He'll either get over it and you guys can be friends or he'll slip into years of depression and self loathing. You woman have no idea what powers you have over us. Good luck with that. Also, your grandfather sounds like a very intelligent man, ass-rashes….
hey Greg,
My name is Alli i met you last night at the Tallahassee show. I don't expect you to remember me, I am sure you meet tons of people being on tour. I would have talked a little more instead of being a dumbass with a camera phone…but i get shy…dork is in my blood. quick sum up: Name is alli. From Rhode Island. Love the red sox and Pat maybe a little too much. Will kick anyone with a yankees hat out of my house. also i hate using grammar in email…as you can prob tell. Well I know I have to think of a question…that's my excuse to talk to you. :) No but seriously I had never heard of you guys till last night and honestly i was REALLY impressed. You guys are truly talented. I love the way you can tell you are being yourself on stage. I guess what i mean by that is sometimes a lot of musicians put on such an act(i'm not hatin) and then when you meet them you see there true self. It's not like there is anything wrong with this but I find it really cool that you are smilin, almost laughin one min and the next min you are all hyped up. oh I forgot to say that you have lots of talent too! ok so for my question….. how many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?
..you said you are always right so you best go getchu a tootsie pop…i recommend the blue wrapper. no cheating now. you can sit on the couch, watch some TV and stick the lollypop stick in your beard and just lick. you'll be done in no time..
Greg's response:
Hey Alli, I remember you. Thank you for the kind words. I guess we all look like we're enjoying ourselves because we love what we do. I hate when bands act tough on stage and then they're pussy cats off stage. Just be yourself and all that crap I guess. We were probably all smiles that night because it was our second to last show after a month and a half on the road. Onto your question. No one knows, not even me, how long it takes to get to the center of a tootsie pop because we are all impatient ass holes that half to eventually bite it. As did that stupid owl. Go sox!
Dear Greg,
Since your last show I have found myself becoming less and less metal as the days wear on, I have only listened to your collective works (the red chord and beyond the sixth seal as far as i know) only twice this month. See the problem stems from a serious party foul i may have inadvertantly commited, I was in the pit and saw this dude fall into the crowd and i instictively went to pick him up, the only problem was he was already up and i grabbed his junk. I wanted to ralf and it totally ruined an otherwise awesome night, I couldn't even stay for Cannibal Corpse i was so upset. Am I being overly hard on myself? Or just too homophobic (I did wince at writing hard on)? I come to the manliest man i know, humbly seeking advice from a near demigod of masculity on this delicate subject.
Please help
Afraid of Weiners in AZ
Greg's response:
Dear afraid,
This is the best question I think I've ever received. I needed a minute to laugh for a bit before I could start typing. This question has really made my day. Woo! Well obviously you're gay. No amount of avoiding metal is going to help your case. I see many men in your future "pitting" it up with you. Hey man, once you accept this then and only then can you be happy with yourself. I wish you the best of luck and I hope next time around you'll introduce me to your new boyfriend. I hope his name is Sebastian. When I was in high school my friend and I went to see Maiden play. Fear Factory opened up and it was real cramped. My pal had his hands by his side and suddenly the crowd moved. I felt something touch my special parts downstairs. I yelled "I think you just touched my junk" real loud just as the song ended. Everyone heard it and turned to look. You should date my friend.
About to do something regrettable but need that extra push? You can get advice from Greg Weeks. Just email [email protected]
