This was not a pleasant weekend for Enabler or its former bassist, Amanda Daniels. Daniels took to Tumblr over the weekend to call out her former boyfriend and bandmate, Enabler frontman/guitarist Jeff Lohrber. She claims the reason she left the band was because Lohrber was abusive towards her. She threw some serious accusations Lohrber's way, referencing interviews Lohrber has done for Enabler's new album, Fail To Feel Safe.
If you are writing lyrics to help people and hope someone may be able to relate perhaps you should be clear in who your target audience is, for only a certain kind of person can relate to your specific brand of personal suffering. Adulterous, manipulators, perverse and predatory sexual molesters, anger ridden abusers, purveyors of violence against women, liers and rapists, to name a few.
“We split up and tried to stay in the band together.” We tried? I tried. I believed you could grow, that with the evolution of our relationship and the separation we needed you could seek the personal help or mental illness and anger management issues you so sorely needed. And though I couldn’t be there like you wished I could be I was still there as a friend and bandmate to help you through, even after all you had done to me. I felt you were like a brother, like family. I believed we could make it through. A belief I stupidly clung to and a position I should have never, ever put myself into.
It went so much more worse than I ever possibly imagined.
There is some truth you speak here, you were out of control, you were out of line. Yet you did nothing to try to regain it, and threw yourself into your own demise.
Thanks for the broken ribs, the cage which protects my heart and lungs forever damaged. something time will never heal, pain I will never be free from. One of the many things you should carry a sentence for.
“It was a painful writting process”
Why, because you had to remember all those other holes you put your dick into and know it finally closed off the opening to your favorite one? Because you had to remember what it was like to see the person giving you shelter and feeding you laid out from the concussion you just gave them from hitting them over the head with about twenty pounds of vinyl? Because you remember how awkward it was when our drummer started asking questions about where the giant bruises on my thighs came from during the summer time? Are some of those things painful to recall?
She also mentions writing credits:
As for your mother being the first person other than you to receive writing credits, this is another lie. “Balance of Terror” has words written by Ryan and I, and a quote from the late Bill Hicks. Though it’s a small contribution, along with those words and some stolen riffs, you can again fuck right off. Yet another example of your delusion and your manipulation of truth.
And it goes on. Shortly thereafter, the band's former roadie, Dustin Albright posted a message of his own containing much more specific details of the alleged abuse:
I implore you all to read her testimony, one of years of physical abuse by Jeff, one that I can tell you for a fact is not hearsay. The first tour I went on with Enabler, I had to drag Jeff out of a club in Brooklyn because he slapped Amanda in the face over an argument they had over an incident they had the night before in Lowell, MA that ended in Jeff throwing a temper tantrum and punching out the windshield, throwing everyone personal bags (including mine) out of the van, kicking the tail light out of the van, and taking a huge shard of it and trying to cut his wrists in the venue parking lot. One of the last moments I had with Enabler, we were on the highway coming back from Winnipeg, and a very heated argument ensued between her and Jeff over an argument that was on going from the night before. Enabler's then drummer, Ryan, was driving, with Jeff in the front, and Amanda and I in the backseat, and at some point, the argument set Jeff off in an explosive way. I had to pull him off of her after he flew into the back and started trying to choke her out, Ryan unable to pull the van over. As soon as I thought he calmed down, I let him go to head to the back seat, but he instead jumped him and started full on wailing her in the face and body, again having to pull him off of her. We were all in a horrible position where we could have died that day. We were all forced to have to act in a way where we made Jeff feel comfortable, because we were scared of ending up dead. Cooler heads hardly prevailed. Everyone quit their jobs in Enabler after that tour.
Due to these accusations spreading on the internet, as such things do, frontman Jeff Lohrber issued a statement of his own:
"Let me start by saying, I do not condone physical violence of any kind to any living thing, period. I do not condone rape whatsoever. Anyone who is aware of anything of that nature going on, I urge you to remove yourself from the situation immediately and contact the authorities if need be.
"Secondly, to anyone who would deal with things by starting a witchhunt online rather than deal with them at the source or take it directly to the authorities – you are absolutely in the wrong. This isn't the first time something like this has happened, and in today's climate it's very easy to believe everything you read on the internet without knowing exactly what happened between two people.
"The last thing I want is to drag anyone's name through the dirt. I've read through Amanda's post many times, and it's pretty contradictory of itself. The thing I want to know is if I was truly abusing her and I truly did rape her in the manner that I'm accused of, why did she beg to stay in the band when she had been asked to leave multiple times? Why weren't the authorities involved? Why come out now when the new album is to be released in less than a month? And why the hell bring up songwriting credits in a post that is accusing someone of rape?
"I thought that both of us had moved on with our lives, me continuing my work with the band, and her starting a new life with someone she met while on the road with the band and moving onto future musical endeavors that are more fitting to her abilities. I guess not. This is a blatant attempt to ruin the band's name, a band that she played in for 3 years and played 200+ shows with. If this was really going on the whole time the way that she portrays it, why would a person put that kind of blood, sweat, and tears into a project with someone that is capable of these things?
"Relationships go bad all of the time. I'm not going to sit here and pretend that I was in the right all of the time. I was wrong in a number of things I did, for which I have owned up and apologized directly to these people, but the things I am accused of here are not accurate.
"As far as Enabler goes, all shows are off as of now and the band is on an indefinite hiatus until this is cleared up. I cannot risk dragging anyone else that I have a close working relationship with into this mess. This is my problem and I am the one who has to deal with it."
In the interest of full disclosure, I should mention that Metal Injection co-owner Frank Godla joined Enabler as a drummer after Ryan and Amanda left. Due to the fallout of this situation, Frank has left the band, which itself has gone on hiatus due to these accusations. Obviously, this is not an easy post for us to write so we will leave it up to you to form your own opinions, as we just present both viewpoints.
Update: Amanda has since released a new statement, responding to Jeff's statement:
This began as a reactionary statement. I didn’t think, I just listened to Jeff’s recorded words and typed my response. I’m glad I did what I did, when I did. Though I’ve been wishing it was more comprehensive, not so vague and emotional.
There are some people caught up on the fact that I mention writing credits, wondering what it’s doing in the middle of all my other “allegations”. It is only to say that on the prior record Ryan and I have writing credits for a song, making the statement about Jeff’s mother being the first other than him false. It’s meant to be an example of character, a reflection of unnecessary untruths that fall rampantly from Lohrbers mouth. It falls in a strange place in my post because it’s randomly in the middle of the interview, my response just followed suit.
There are some lambgoat comments, some of which are surprisingly supportive. Most of these I know I should ignore, the ones calling me insane, the ones full of victim shame, the ones claiming I’m airing dirty laundry, creating drama, or being vengeful because I got kicked out. (I QUIT!), or the one saying this is a publicity stunt. But there are a couple in there that ring true, and a couple of things to respond to. Like all the people saying I should have left the first time anything happened, that I should have immediately called the police, that I should have sought medical attention. I want to discuss these things and all the reasons that victims stay with their abusers and do not seek help, but at a later date. That is a huge and vast psychological topic and I want to give it proper attention.
One in particular comment one was requesting facts and evidence before “moving in on the dude”, urging Jeff to seek legal council and sue for defamation. I did make one hell of a statement with no evidence exposed, that is certainly true. I did that, and perhaps it wasn’t the smartest move. But, there is evidence, I am beginning to compile it and hopefully it isn’t too late to make a legal case. I will openly admit that some of these things will be my (and a small handful of others who were there at the end) words against his, as I didn’t seek medical or legal help when I should have.
I’ve been unsure of what the next move I should make should be, what should be said next. Some have given me advice such as, “lay out the timeline, write what you remember, the starting point doesn’t matter as long as you start” This resonated, as sharing my story is allowing others to share their own, granting others strength.
Yesterday, this was my one very sound thought: Jeff mentioned in that interview several times that he hoped his record would help people when it dawned on me that if either of us could actually help anyone, it would be me. But I couldn’t do that if no one knew.
Taking that advice will have to meet a pause though – as Jeff as issued a statement on Lambgoat, and I have yet another thing to respond to. Half of me is screaming that I don’t owe him or anyone any kind of response, but I want the truth to be known.
This time I am going to copy and paste what he has to say paragraph by paragraph, so no one will be confused about where my statements are coming from.JL: “Let me start by saying, I do not condone physical violence of any kind to any living thing, period. I do not condone rape whatsoever. Anyone who is aware of anything of that nature going on, I urge you to remove yourself from the situation immediately and contact the authorities if need be “
AD: So you agree, I should have quit a long time ago and you should be in a jail cell? No wonder you have such great self loathing or said things about lyric content being inspired about dwelling in your own personal hell – you have committed these acts which you avidly do not condone.JL: “ “Secondly, to anyone who would deal with things by starting a witchhunt online rather than deal with them at the source or take it directly to the authorities – you are absolutely in the wrong. This isn’t the first time something like this has happened, and in today’s climate it’s very easy to believe everything you read on the internet without knowing exactly what happened between two people.”
AD: I didn’t start a witch hunt, you’re no magik maker, and no one’s hunting for you. If they were, you’re pretty easy to find. And don’t worry, the authorities will soon hopefully be involved. I’m very sorry I didn’t involve them years ago, once again I’m glad that we’re in agreement that they should be included.
Seeing as you and I are the source, perhaps if you would have dealt with as promised (seeking anger management and therapy) this wouldn’t be happening. As far as the internet not knowing what happened between to people – perhaps you shouldn’t have started speaking in half truths about it or using it to sell records if you didn’t want to be corrected.JL: “ “The last thing I want is to drag anyone’s name through the dirt. I’ve read through Amanda’s post many times, and it’s pretty contradictory of itself. The thing I want to know is if I was truly abusing her and I truly did rape her in the manner that I’m accused of, why did she beg to stay in the band when she had been asked to leave multiple times? Why weren’t the authorities involved? Why come out now when the new album is to be released in less than a month? And why the hell bring up songwriting credits in a post that is accusing someone of rape?
AD: The last thing you want is your own name dragged through the dirt. What I have said is only contradictory if you twist it, and you are not allowed to do that to my words anymore. You raped me once. Afterwords you kissed me on the cheek, saying “I’m sorry, this is all I have now” while I just laid there crying. It was after a brutal fight, and I was already just laying there in a ball with my knees pulled to my chest. I was mentally drained and in physical pain due to mother nature visiting, it was my time of the month. It was very easy for you to slide my underwear down (I was wearing a skirt) and easy for you to enter, as I was menstruating. the fight was already taken out of me, all i could do was say no over and over. not interested in make up sex, ever. It happened before I knew what you were doing, and thank god it didn’t last long. All the other times I consented to your consistent pressure and begging because it was easier to put out and shut up than to deal with the mental and physical torment I would be put through after saying “no”. Though you never seemed to mind, even though I made it perfectly clear that I didn’t want you and told you over and over again that you made me feel like a whore.
You also made it almost impossible for me to have any kind of contact or relationship with another person, you were my only option.
I never begged to stay in the band, it was you who begged me, and who continued to offer my spot back to me months after I quit, at the least asking me to do five year” all hail the void” anniversary tours with you.
The authorities weren’t involved because you repeatedly engaged in and threatened self harm – and whenever I told you that was my next step you would stop. I gave you way too many chances. I came out now because you were using personal pain and suffering to promote your new album and it made me sick. And as for the writing credits, see above.
Oh, you also owed me $5,000 dollars, and I wanted that back.JL: “ “I thought that both of us had moved on with our lives, me continuing my work with the band, and her starting a new life with someone she met while on the road with the band and moving onto future musical endeavors that are more fitting to her abilities. I guess not. This is a blatant attempt to ruin the band’s name, a band that she played in for 3 years and played 200+ shows with. If this was really going on the whole time the way that she portrays it, why would a person put that kind of blood, sweat, and tears into a project with someone that is capable of these things?”
AD: I am moving on, but you are wrong if you think life ever magically starts anew. What you have put me through haunts me every single day, and complicates my new relationship, which was something good to come out of me staying in a horrible situation. I have no current musical endeavors, and what the fuck do you mean by “more fitting to my abilities”?
This is no way in an attempt to “ruin” you, though that may be a side effect. People don’t like supporting people who have done what you did.
If you had read my initial post, like you say you did many times, you would recall the two main reasons I stayed. 1, I am a stubborn capricorn who does not give up, and who does not give away that kind of blood, sweat, and tears easily. 2. I always believed that you could better yourself and you could rise out of what you were doing. I went through an absolute personal hell only to be proven a fool.
Maybe I’m slightly masochistic, I care more about playing music and pursuing what I love than my own well being. I didn’t think I had anything else.JL: “ “Relationships go bad all of the time. I’m not going to sit here and pretend that I was in the right all of the time. I was wrong in a number of things I did, for which I have owned up and apologized directly to these people, but the things I am accused of here are not accurate. “
AD: Your past apologies aren’t shit if you think they were enough and don’t continue to feel remorse. I’m not accusing you of anything, I am telling the truth, and it is what it is.JL: “ “As far as Enabler goes, all shows are off as of now and the band is on an indefinite hiatus until this is cleared up. I cannot risk dragging anyone else that I have a close working relationship with into this mess. This is my problem and I am the one who has to deal with it.”
AD: There is no one else to drag into a mess, and if you feel that way perhaps you should have been honest with the reasons why you lost your whole band with your new “team” and you wouldn’t have to be worrying about any of that. I hope you take the time of your hiatus to seek the help you need, I wish it didn’t have to reach such extremes for that to occur.—–
If anyone knows anything about pressing domestic abuse charges when incidents happened many times across the country (and once in canada), filing sometime after they took place please let me know, I can use and very much appreciate all the help I can get. Thank you.
[youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gre1-88K2AY[/youtube]
