Every time the editors of Metal Inquisition come back to us with a brand new edition of their weekly recap — tr00 & False — we regret our decision to let them do so more and more. They don't give a fuck who they offend and their opinions are sometimes (usually) completely different than the public consensus. Here is their take on some of this week's stories. Please note the opinions expressed in this article are not necessarily those of Metal Injection.
Tr00
QUEENSRŸCHE Vocalist Interviewed On 107.3 WKLQ's 'Metal' Show; Audio Available
I am from Seattle so naturally I love Queensryche. Actually, that's not true: I am from Seattle but they are terrible. But I do love the video for "Queen of the Reich" where they play heavy metal freedom fighters who wage war against the evil regime that tries to ban rock n roll from the post-apocalyptic wasteland that they inhabit. They just don't make videos like that anymore!!
MEGADETH's DAVE MUSTAINE: 'I'll Be In The HALL OF FAME One Way Or The Other, I Know That'
I love Dave Mustaine's confidence! Absolutely everybody on the face of the planet hates him passionately, yet he soldiers on in the face of adversity like a true hero. I mean, if even one person hated me as much as literally millions of people hate Dave Mustaine, I would stick my head in the oven before you can say "high speed dirt." But not Dave! He gets up every morning, looks himself in the mirror, and says "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me!"
Reunited PESTILENCE: Performance Footage Of New Lineup Available
I am stoked that Pestilence is playing again. The downside is that internet metal dorks ever will be unable to shut up about it, so I will be forced to endure millions of fangasms about how "amazing" they are. Seriously guys, let's try to keep the enthusiasm to a minimum. Being enthusiastic is for amateurs. Being excessively cynical is for amateurs too. The only acceptable response to this news, or any news for that matter, is lukewarm detachment. For example, if your friend calls you and says "Hey dude, you won the lottery!! $250 million!! You're rich, bitch!!" you should just be like "That's cool. I gotta finish watching this movie but I'll check it out later."
False
ANVIL Documentary Reviewed By NATIONAL PUBLIC RADIO
Great, more pretentious nerds talking about metal, just what we needed. I can't wait to hear fucking Teri Gross' thoughts on how vulnerable she felt while watching this dumb movie. When over-educated dorks invade the metal world, it reminds me of my favorite Anal Cunt song, "I'm Glad Jazz Faggots Don't Like Us Anymore." Maybe Teri Gross should listen to my favorite line: "you thought we went to art school. but we worked at gas stations" and jam some Gut or Meat Shits.
GEORGE LYNCH: Video Footage Of GEARHOUNDS Clinic Available
Did I miss something? Because I thought it was 2009, not 1989, and in 2009, nobody gives a flying fuck about George Lynch. Even back in the day I thought he was a pop tart. I can only imagine what a wretched sausage party one of these "clinics" must be… Guitar stores are maybe a tiny, tiny notch above Pokemon conventions and Magic card games on the scale of things that are full of pudgy, sweaty nerds who won't shut up, and I have to guess that a George Lynch clinic attracts a particularly special breed of mouth-breathing, socially awkward lardass. Do not want!
METALLICA Autograph Forgeries Hit All-Time High Following ROCK HALL Induction
If you care about the fact that there are counterfeit Metallica autographs out there, kill yourself immediately. I would like to know how many fake Robert Trujillo autographs are out there, though: "Keep on crabwalkin, your bro Robert Trujillo." You would think that having his autograph on a Metallica CD would actually lower its value in the same way as if your little cousin wrote "STEVE IS GAY" on it.
QUEENSRŸCHE Vocalist Interviewed On 107.3 WKLQ's 'Metal' Show; Audio Available
I am from Seattle so naturally I love Queensryche. Actually, that's not true: I am from Seattle but they are terrible. But I do love the video for "Queen of the Reich" where they play heavy metal freedom fighters who wage war against the evil regime that tries to ban rock n roll from the post-apocalyptic wasteland that they inhabit. They just don't make videos like that anymore!!
MEGADETH's DAVE MUSTAINE: 'I'll Be In The HALL OF FAME One Way Or The Other, I Know That'
I love Dave Mustaine's confidence! Absolutely everybody on the face of the planet hates him passionately, yet he soldiers on in the face of adversity like a true hero. I mean, if even one person hated me as much as literally millions of people hate Dave Mustaine, I would stick my head in the oven before you can say "high speed dirt." But not Dave! He gets up every morning, looks himself in the mirror, and says "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me!"
Reunited PESTILENCE: Performance Footage Of New Lineup Available
I am stoked that Pestilence is playing again. The downside is that internet metal dorks ever will be unable to shut up about it, so I will be forced to endure millions of fangasms about how "amazing" they are. Seriously guys, let's try to keep the enthusiasm to a minimum. Being enthusiastic is for amateurs. Being excessively cynical is for amateurs too. The only acceptable response to this news, or any news for that matter, is lukewarm detachment. For example, if your friend calls you and says "Hey dude, you won the lottery!! $250 million!! You're rich, bitch!!" you should just be like "That's cool. I gotta finish watching this movie but I'll check it out later."
ANVIL Documentary Reviewed By NATIONAL PUBLIC RADIO
Great, more pretentious nerds talking about metal, just what we needed. I can't wait to hear fucking Teri Gross' thoughts on how vulnerable she felt while watching this dumb movie. When over-educated dorks invade the metal world, it reminds me of my favorite Anal Cunt song, "I'm Glad Jazz Faggots Don't Like Us Anymore." Maybe Teri Gross should listen to my favorite line: "you thought we went to art school. but we worked at gas stations" and jam some Gut or Meat Shits.GEORGE LYNCH: Video Footage Of GEARHOUNDS Clinic Available
Did I miss something? Because I thought it was 2009, not 1989, and in 2009, nobody gives a flying fuck about George Lynch. Even back in the day I thought he was a pop tart. I can only imagine what a wretched sausage party one of these "clinics" must be… Guitar stores are maybe a tiny, tiny notch above Pokemon conventions and Magic card games on the scale of things that are full of pudgy, sweaty nerds who won't shut up, and I have to guess that a George Lynch clinic attracts a particularly special breed of mouth-breathing, socially awkward lardass. Do not want!METALLICA Autograph Forgeries Hit All-Time High Following ROCK HALL Induction
If you care about the fact that there are counterfeit Metallica autographs out there, kill yourself immediately. I would like to know how many fake Robert Trujillo autographs are out there, though: "Keep on crabwalkin, your bro Robert Trujillo." You would think that having his autograph on a Metallica CD would actually lower its value in the same way as if your little cousin wrote "STEVE IS GAY" on it.
