Every week the heavily-opinionated writers at Metal Inquisition chime in with their elitist views to bring you the best and worst stories of the week. Be forewarned, that the opinions expressed are completely those of Metal Inquisition and not necessarily those of Metal Injection.
tr00
Sammy Hagar has a new video
I didn't watch the video so I have no idea if it's any good, but I fucking love Van Hagar and Sammy's solo shit. OU812 is the perfect soundtrack to being a douchebag in the summer. "Cabo Wabo" and "Hot Summer Nights" are yacht rock for white trash, like the low rent Jimmy Buffet or Eagles. The depressing thing to note here, though, is that Sammy's current album "sold 7,600 copies in the United States in its first week of release back in November 2008 to debut at position No. 94 on The Billboard 200 chart." The fact that an album can sell 7,600 and be in the top 100 is pretty sad, but not as sad as the royalty check that Sammy will get.
Sacred Reich schedule more Euro shows
I am glad to hear this, because I always liked Sacred Reich and Phil Rind deserves a paycheck! He paid his dues in the 80s and 90s, so hats off to to him for cashing in on the fact that Europeans are morons with no taste who will buy ANYTHING related to metal. Years ago when I was selling all my shit on eBay, I would get like 897345 emails a day that said something like "Hailz from Romania, Mariusz here! You are accepting Greek drachmas for eBay item Excruciating Terror 7"?? I have no US currency apologize. Please enclose package in lead tape as secret police will be inspecting all parcels and I do not wish for painful interrogation!" It made me very bitter, so I hope Sacred Reich milks those fuckers for every penny he can (or drachma, as the case may be).
Guillotine is touring with Unleashed
I have no idea who Guillotine is, but let's talk about fucking Unleashed!! Listening to "Where No Life Dwells" makes me want to put on a viking helmet and throw an axe at the girl whose desk is across from mine.Sorry Betsy, I like you, but "Into Glory Ride" came on and I just lost control of myself!! I take no responsibility for what happens when I am listening to them. My father is from Norway so I think it makes my Scandanavian blood boil to think about Johnny guzzling mead from a horn, summoning the valkyries to lay waste to beardos, Japanese grindcore dorks, Mastodon, Hydra Head, and black metal. I will ask them to spare Aaron Turner's life because he seems like a cool and I like Isis (plus he put out the first Cave In album), but I can't promise anything.
false
Slipknot, Iron Maiden, Slayer drummers in some stupid book
There are many annoying things about the obnoxious world of metal fandom, but few of them are harder for me to tolerate than the endless drummer worship. I cannot fucking begin to count the number of times I've heard people get in heated debates about who invented the blast beat, who plays the fastest blast beat, who has the sickest double bass, etc. Jesus christ guys, don't you have something better to do?! I mean almost literally ANYTHING would be more productive, not to mention more dignified, than dick-riding a fucking drummer. I would rather be caught using a Fleshlight in church than watching an instructional drum video or reading this retarded, nerdy book.
Tom Morello's new band is playing with Jane's Addiction
If there is one thing they world doesn't need more of, it's musicians with political opinions. It's not about whether I agree or disagree with their opinions, because since I don't give a flying fuck about politics, it's a moot point. The problem is that nobody wants to hear some idiot with a guitar tell people what to do. And I will let you in on a little secret: all musicians are idiots! Every single one of them! They are all self-absorbed primadonnas who think the world really needs to hear what they have to say… set to music. And setting your political opinions to music is a whole other level of self-centered bullshit. I mean think about it for a second. Who gets up in the morning and says to him/herself, "You know what's missing from this world? More uninformed, half-assed political opinions!" Tom Morello, that's who.
Puscifier is playing a show
I have never heard this band and I don't want to. Apparently the singer for Tool is in it. Look, I liked Tool in like 91-93 or so when I saw them open for like White Zombie or whatever, but I can't handle Tool fanboys. They are not quite as annoying as Mike Patton fanboys, but close. By the way, I've never talked about it with him, but the guy who runs Metal Injection seems like he might be a Mike Patton fanboy: excessively boisterous, makes lots of wacky jokes, and secretly likes 90s nü metal (it's true, ask him) [Ed Note: I am a fan of Mike Patton, but am no longer a fan of nü-metal. I was young and dumb, a friend handed me a CD and I didn't know what it was so I listened to it…]. In any case, I've never heard this band but I can only imagine how annoying this show will be. Sucks to be Maynard James Keenan and get nothing but overweight, male groupies at your shows. Maybe he should quit and be a roadie for Cute Is What We Aim For, I'm sure their leftovers are way better than anything that you'll find at a Puscifier show.
Sammy Hagar has a new video
I didn't watch the video so I have no idea if it's any good, but I fucking love Van Hagar and Sammy's solo shit. OU812 is the perfect soundtrack to being a douchebag in the summer. "Cabo Wabo" and "Hot Summer Nights" are yacht rock for white trash, like the low rent Jimmy Buffet or Eagles. The depressing thing to note here, though, is that Sammy's current album "sold 7,600 copies in the United States in its first week of release back in November 2008 to debut at position No. 94 on The Billboard 200 chart." The fact that an album can sell 7,600 and be in the top 100 is pretty sad, but not as sad as the royalty check that Sammy will get.
Sacred Reich schedule more Euro shows
I am glad to hear this, because I always liked Sacred Reich and Phil Rind deserves a paycheck! He paid his dues in the 80s and 90s, so hats off to to him for cashing in on the fact that Europeans are morons with no taste who will buy ANYTHING related to metal. Years ago when I was selling all my shit on eBay, I would get like 897345 emails a day that said something like "Hailz from Romania, Mariusz here! You are accepting Greek drachmas for eBay item Excruciating Terror 7"?? I have no US currency apologize. Please enclose package in lead tape as secret police will be inspecting all parcels and I do not wish for painful interrogation!" It made me very bitter, so I hope Sacred Reich milks those fuckers for every penny he can (or drachma, as the case may be).
Guillotine is touring with Unleashed
I have no idea who Guillotine is, but let's talk about fucking Unleashed!! Listening to "Where No Life Dwells" makes me want to put on a viking helmet and throw an axe at the girl whose desk is across from mine.Sorry Betsy, I like you, but "Into Glory Ride" came on and I just lost control of myself!! I take no responsibility for what happens when I am listening to them. My father is from Norway so I think it makes my Scandanavian blood boil to think about Johnny guzzling mead from a horn, summoning the valkyries to lay waste to beardos, Japanese grindcore dorks, Mastodon, Hydra Head, and black metal. I will ask them to spare Aaron Turner's life because he seems like a cool and I like Isis (plus he put out the first Cave In album), but I can't promise anything.
Slipknot, Iron Maiden, Slayer drummers in some stupid book
There are many annoying things about the obnoxious world of metal fandom, but few of them are harder for me to tolerate than the endless drummer worship. I cannot fucking begin to count the number of times I've heard people get in heated debates about who invented the blast beat, who plays the fastest blast beat, who has the sickest double bass, etc. Jesus christ guys, don't you have something better to do?! I mean almost literally ANYTHING would be more productive, not to mention more dignified, than dick-riding a fucking drummer. I would rather be caught using a Fleshlight in church than watching an instructional drum video or reading this retarded, nerdy book.Tom Morello's new band is playing with Jane's Addiction
If there is one thing they world doesn't need more of, it's musicians with political opinions. It's not about whether I agree or disagree with their opinions, because since I don't give a flying fuck about politics, it's a moot point. The problem is that nobody wants to hear some idiot with a guitar tell people what to do. And I will let you in on a little secret: all musicians are idiots! Every single one of them! They are all self-absorbed primadonnas who think the world really needs to hear what they have to say… set to music. And setting your political opinions to music is a whole other level of self-centered bullshit. I mean think about it for a second. Who gets up in the morning and says to him/herself, "You know what's missing from this world? More uninformed, half-assed political opinions!" Tom Morello, that's who.Puscifier is playing a show
I have never heard this band and I don't want to. Apparently the singer for Tool is in it. Look, I liked Tool in like 91-93 or so when I saw them open for like White Zombie or whatever, but I can't handle Tool fanboys. They are not quite as annoying as Mike Patton fanboys, but close. By the way, I've never talked about it with him, but the guy who runs Metal Injection seems like he might be a Mike Patton fanboy: excessively boisterous, makes lots of wacky jokes, and secretly likes 90s nü metal (it's true, ask him) [Ed Note: I am a fan of Mike Patton, but am no longer a fan of nü-metal. I was young and dumb, a friend handed me a CD and I didn't know what it was so I listened to it…]. In any case, I've never heard this band but I can only imagine how annoying this show will be. Sucks to be Maynard James Keenan and get nothing but overweight, male groupies at your shows. Maybe he should quit and be a roadie for Cute Is What We Aim For, I'm sure their leftovers are way better than anything that you'll find at a Puscifier show.
