If one thing can be said about the writers of Metal Inquisition (besides the fact that they are assholes) is they are heavily opinionated. Its also possible they know a little bit more about metal than you do. Which is why we asked them to guest-blog for us and revive our tr00 or False column, where they bring you the best and worst stories of the week. Be forewarned, that the opinions expressed are completely those of Metal Inquisition and not necessarily those of Metal Injection.
tr00
Testament announces autograph-signing sessions
It's wonderful to see Testament still going strong in the 09! I am sure they'll get tens of fans mobbing them. It would be entertaining to see the mouth-breathing subhumans that actually show up, though.
Mastodon does meet-and-greet at New York Comic Con
I'm not sure what's up with all these crappy, boring bands announcing that they will be doing autograph sessions. I guess that's sort of like me announcing that I will be going to the Victoria's Secret underwear show and receiving blowjobs from 11AM-4PM in the main pavilion. Anyway, this is the perfect fit for Mastodon since, as I have said many times before, all their fans wear rapist glasses and beat off to tentacle rape anime snuff porn, which should be in abdundant supply at a comic book convention.
Believer posts a new song!
The mighty Decibel posted a clip of a new Believer song this week! Fuck yes!! We love Believer a lot, even if they are soldiers in the army of Christ. Like that one song on "Dimensions" that all "The Darwinist! The humanist!!" WTF. Also, did you ever notice how that album sounds exactly like Earth Crisis? Anyhow, we think Believer are the second best thrash band (behind Forced Entry) so we are excited to hear this album! I was also stoked to see that the guy from Killswitch Engage is putting it out because he seems cool.
False
DOPE x ZAKK WYLDE COLLABO
It is well known that I like a lot of shitty shit. I mean I love Avenged Sevenfold, Hollywood Undead, and Sacred Reich, but I fucking draw the line at DOPE. I seriously had no idea that this band didn't throw itself on a sword in the early 2000s when the world collectively drove a stake through the black heart of this wretched genre. But no, I see that the corpse of the absolute worst nu-metal band of them all has risen! Thank god they've recruited a lineup of all-star musicians, though, including winners from Genitorturers and Mudvayne. Seriously, you know it's time to stick your head in the oven when you get kicked out of Genitorturers to join fucking Dope.
SUNN 0)) announces some shit
I didn't really read this article so I don't know the details. I'm sure they have a new album coming out or something, I don't know. Beardos will be crowing about it on blogs everywhere so I'll hear about it sooner or later. See my comments above about rapist glasses and tentacle rape.
GOATWHORE, MASTER, GOREAPHOBIA Confirmed For CENTRAL ILLINOIS METALFEST
Master?! Really?? Come on guys… What happened there? You had a mandate to put an incredibly generic, washed up, z-level band that even diehard heshers never cared about, but Devastation and Defiance weren't available? I thought it was bad when I saw Mortal Decay and Jungle Rot headline some crappy fest in 98, but this is next level!
Testament announces autograph-signing sessions
It's wonderful to see Testament still going strong in the 09! I am sure they'll get tens of fans mobbing them. It would be entertaining to see the mouth-breathing subhumans that actually show up, though.
Mastodon does meet-and-greet at New York Comic Con
I'm not sure what's up with all these crappy, boring bands announcing that they will be doing autograph sessions. I guess that's sort of like me announcing that I will be going to the Victoria's Secret underwear show and receiving blowjobs from 11AM-4PM in the main pavilion. Anyway, this is the perfect fit for Mastodon since, as I have said many times before, all their fans wear rapist glasses and beat off to tentacle rape anime snuff porn, which should be in abdundant supply at a comic book convention.
Believer posts a new song!
The mighty Decibel posted a clip of a new Believer song this week! Fuck yes!! We love Believer a lot, even if they are soldiers in the army of Christ. Like that one song on "Dimensions" that all "The Darwinist! The humanist!!" WTF. Also, did you ever notice how that album sounds exactly like Earth Crisis? Anyhow, we think Believer are the second best thrash band (behind Forced Entry) so we are excited to hear this album! I was also stoked to see that the guy from Killswitch Engage is putting it out because he seems cool.
DOPE x ZAKK WYLDE COLLABO
It is well known that I like a lot of shitty shit. I mean I love Avenged Sevenfold, Hollywood Undead, and Sacred Reich, but I fucking draw the line at DOPE. I seriously had no idea that this band didn't throw itself on a sword in the early 2000s when the world collectively drove a stake through the black heart of this wretched genre. But no, I see that the corpse of the absolute worst nu-metal band of them all has risen! Thank god they've recruited a lineup of all-star musicians, though, including winners from Genitorturers and Mudvayne. Seriously, you know it's time to stick your head in the oven when you get kicked out of Genitorturers to join fucking Dope.SUNN 0)) announces some shit
I didn't really read this article so I don't know the details. I'm sure they have a new album coming out or something, I don't know. Beardos will be crowing about it on blogs everywhere so I'll hear about it sooner or later. See my comments above about rapist glasses and tentacle rape.GOATWHORE, MASTER, GOREAPHOBIA Confirmed For CENTRAL ILLINOIS METALFEST
Master?! Really?? Come on guys… What happened there? You had a mandate to put an incredibly generic, washed up, z-level band that even diehard heshers never cared about, but Devastation and Defiance weren't available? I thought it was bad when I saw Mortal Decay and Jungle Rot headline some crappy fest in 98, but this is next level!
The writers of Metal Inquisition will be back next week with all new hatred. Until then, make sure to check out their blog for more sarcasm-ridden takes on the state of heavy metal.
