tr00 & False: What kicked ass and blew goats in metal this week

It’s hard to be tr00. In this new Metal Injection feature, every week, the editors of MetalSucks.net, Axl Rosenberg and Vince Neilstein, will dissect the week’s stories and decide which stories are deemed worthy of the title “tr00″ and admonish all posers who are false and upset the metal gods.

trOO

MESHUGGAH
Sure, announcing the track listening of their new album, obZen, is the very definition of "non-news;" but hey, it's a new Meshuggah album, fuckers! So even though we have no idea what a song called "Lethargica" will sound like, just knowing that it's out there gives us reason to live. Now if only they'd announce a release date…

JOHNNY ROTTEN
The Sex Pistols front man is still punk all these years later, and to prove it, he terrorized a press conference where he was supposed to be shilling for Guitar Hero III. With everyone from Led Zepplin to Metallica seemingly selling-out for the man as quickly as they can cash the checks, it's good to know at least one rock legend is still Rotten after all these years. Take that, Slash!

KEVIN DUBROW
More metal heads were probably closet Quiet Riot fans than care to admit, and we can only imagine that at least one of the Randy Blythes or Doc Coyles of the world would never have gotten into extreme music if not for the gateway drug the world knows as QR's cover of "Cum on Feel the Noize." R.I.P., dude.

FALSE

LAUREN "NIPPLE" HARRIS
Talk about nepotism: the shockingly untalented daughter of Iron Maiden bassist Steve Harris – whose music isn't even remotely metal (check out her MySpace page if you doubt us) – will support the metal masters on the first leg of Somewhere Back In Time World Tour next year. At least she's hot and has been known to show nipple on stage… so that's something.

RICHARD PATRICK
Now that Army of Anyone seems to be Army of No One, the Filter main man only-man has announced that he'll record a new album for that project, entitled Anthems for the Damned with producer Josh Abraham (Slayer, Velvet Revolver), to be released in March. The album will feature guest appearances from Josh “I’ve played drums on every record ever” Freese, former Marilyn Manson / Rob Zombie guitarist John 5 (who co-wrote two of the album’s tracks), and… ex-Limp Bizkit/ current Black Light Burns guitarist Wes Borland??? C'mon, guys. I know the world of metal is actually pretty fractious, but can't we all just agree that Limp Bizkit (or limpbizkit or cumcookie or however the fuck they spell it) SUCK and we should just not employ anyone who has ever had anything to do with them, ever?

SEBASTIAN BACH
After his craptastic new album, Angel Down, just barely cracked the Billboard 200, his publicist tried to save face by announcing that the disc was #1 on the Billboard Heatseekers chart, and that Entertainment Weekly, that bastion of intelligent metal criticism, liked the album. Baz himself was not available for comment, as it's too difficult for him to speak while Axl Rose is mouth fucking him.

LENNON & JASON SUECOF
The nu-metal mistress is collaborating on a new album with the Crotchduster mastermind and producer of such bands as Trivium, God Forbid, and Chimaira. It is presently unclear if Lennon is just fulfilling a life-long fantasy of fucking a dude in a wheel chair, Suecof just needs a new addition to his house, or how the fuck this came about. Only time will tell how shitty, on a scale of Limp Bizkit to Korn, the album will end up being.